Patience 2005

If You Want a Receipt - Alternative verse

Colonel Calverley

If you want a receipt for this soldier-like paragon
Get at the wealth of Bill Gates if you can
The skill of Sir Edmond when Ev’rest he climbed upon
Passion of smokers opposing a ban
The zest of Ken Livingstone, charging congestion fee
Or Charles Kennedy heading his clan
The lightness of foot of Natasha Kaplinski
Kelly Holmes’ speed when those races she ran
The genius strategic of Monty or Caesar
The selfless good works of a Mother Teresa
Flavour of Barker – (Two Ronnies), a touch of him
Little of Corbett (but not very much of him)
Cameron Mackintosh – Lloyd Webber’s show
(They’re more like Dad’s Army with Arthur Lowe!)

If You Want a Receipt - Original verse

Colonel Calverley

If you want a receipt for this soldier-like paragon
Get at the wealth of the Czar (if you can)
The family pride of a Spaniard from Aragon
Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban
A smack of Lord Waterford, reckless and rollicky
Swagger of Roderick, heading his clan
The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky
Grace of an Odalisque on a divan
The genius strategic of Caesar or Hannibal
Skill of Sir Garnet in thrashing a cannibal
Flavour of Hamlet - the Stranger, a touch of him
Little of Manfred (but not very much of him)
Beadle of Burlington - Richardson's show
Mister Micawber and Madame Tussaud! Ah!